It's complicated

Everyone keeps asking me these 3 questions:

What has been your favorite part?
What will you miss the most?
Are you ready to go home?

My answers are different almost every time. My favorite part? There's far too many. What will I miss? Far too much. Ready to be home? It's complicated.

When I first went to Berry as a wee little fresher, I had a chance to start over. To be someone new. I found myself. At least, I found a part of myself. Berry was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. I needed the sheltered, somewhat closed community. And that's what I was, that's what I got. I didn't know it then (just as I didn't know how absolutely horrible high school was until I reached college and saw that life could actually be enjoyable), but looking back on it now, I can see how I never really lived. I didn't branch out as much as I could have.  I just stayed in my own little world and studied, studied, studied. I think I became better acquainted with my books than with any human being.

Then I came to Scotland. And without knowing what was happening, I realized that I was actually living. Life became more than just school, more than getting a good grade or pleasing a teacher. Life became...mine. I made friends, I went places (soooo many places), and I just...lived. Luckily, I'm still a perfectionist and still worked my butt off to get good grades, but my life in Scotland wasn't about getting an A. It was much more well rounded. Much more holistic.

Now in Florence, in a completely different atmosphere both culturally and academically, I have yet again discovered living. This time, I actually did learn it through my school work and not from extracurricular activities. For the past three weeks I've been learning as much as I possibly could about the Florentine Jewish community. And I loved every second of it. Jonathan and I got into a bit of an argument one road trip to see David a few summers ago (or maybe it was last summer, I don't remember). I think it was about immigration or something like that, I don't remember that part either. What I do remember is sitting in that little booth at the gas station halfway between Alabama and Arkansas with Jonathan's final sentence being: "You're always rooting for the underdog." I didn't realize it until he said that, but I do have a soft spot for "the underdogs." And that is exactly what Jews in Florence are. They are the silent minority. They don't have a voice. There are all these presumptions that do account for a few people, but definitely not the whole community. Anyway, I'm getting too deep. If you want to learn more about the Jews in Florence, I'd be happy to talk with you about it (I could talk for days about this subject) or you can just see our stories once they're posted on Viking Fusion. The point is, I was in my element this whole trip. I'm so excited that I got to be the voice for the underdogs of Florence. I just hope I don't ruin it with my stories....I guess we'll find out.

So to answer number three, am I ready to go home? Yes. Of course. But...No. Not completely. Just like when I first started school, I loved being in Rome and at Berry, but I missed home too. So, I would go home. Then when I was home, I would miss Berry. It was a never ending cycle. I could never be happy. So yes, as I've said before, I do miss the States. I miss the familiarity of my neighborhood, my house, my room. I miss my family, my friends, and my puppy dog. I miss Chick-fil-A and Little Rosie's. I miss a lot about life in America. Yet, I guarantee you that once I get back to the States, I'm going to miss Europe. I already miss Scotland like no other. I miss Tesco, Heathfield, the Union, Premier, just everything. And I'm sure I'm going to miss Florence. I'll miss Gabriel our gelato guy, I'll miss seeing the sunset from Piazza Michelangelo, I'll miss listening to Harry Potter while knitting in the Boboli Gardens, I'll miss hanging out in front of the synagogue gazing at the super hot Italian guards standing in front of the entrance. I'll miss a lot.

It's just a never ending cycle. It's complicated.

Thank Goodness

I don't know which is sadder. The fact that I'm dreading the beginning of summer or the fact that I never want school to ever end. That's so twisted? What person in their right mind (other than Harry Potter) would dread summer vacation? What crazy person would want school to last forever? That's just utter nonsense. I can honestly say I've never been so sad to see the end of school come so quickly.

These next few days mark the beginnings of people leaving Scotland to go back home. My friends who have been there for me in every situation are leaving--some of whom I may never see again. That's terrifying. Can you imagine? Not knowing if you're ever going to see someone again? How do you say goodbye with that looming over you? Maybe it's best to just not think about it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

There are still many adventures to be had (the Highlands, another London trip, Italy), but every day someone will leave our little Dundee world. Thank goodness for facebook, but it's still not the same. Eventually the comments and posts will get less and less and we'll just drift apart. Hopefully not, but...

I never could have anticipated this adventure to Dundee to be so...meaningful, impactful, wonderful, educational, touching, and just beautiful. I know I have much to look forward to when I get home (holding Maggie, kissing Mommy, squeezing Daddy, eating Little Rosie's), but I also have so much that I'll be leaving behind. Playing with the volleyball team, discovering Heidi, knitting with Quinn, eating with Judith, snuggling with Elizabeth, talking with Becca, yelling at Mikkel, smiling with Kevin, singing Hannah Montana with Leoni and Meagan, learning odd German phrases from Mark, laughing with Jill, crying with Carly and Catherine. And just soooooo much more. I can't even list all the people and all the emotions I've encountered here. I never want it to end. I wish this semester could just last forever.

But maybe that's why it's been so wonderful. Since we knew this experience was short and would eventually end (soon), maybe we forced it to work. There couldn't be any problems (at least major problems) because there was no time to deal with it. I was talking with my friend Baiba yesterday and she was saying that I've seen more of Scotland and Europe in five months than most people who are here for 4 years because they all say, "Oh, there's time for that later. I've got 4(3)(2)(1) year(s) to do that." But then "later" never comes. So the fact that it was so short made us actually get out to do things. More importantly, it made me get out and make friends. I'm so grateful. There's nothing I would change about my time here.

Although! I don't want to jinx it because I've still got 3ish weeks in Scotland and 3 weeks in Italy! There's still room for more.

It's not over yet!

Thank goodness.

Another Adventure

Goodbye my little bed,
Goodbye my shaved legs,
Goodbye my personal bathroom,
I will see you soon.

Goodbye to my Dundee,
Goodbye to all my money,
Goodbye to the Scottish neeps,
I will be gone for three weeks.

Tomorrow I embark on an adventure that...well, something I've never done before. That seems to be my mantra this year. "I'm doing things I've never done before." Moving to Scotland. Living with people from all over the world. Hopping on a bus to London. Hopping on a plane to Ireland. Now I'm going on a three week tour of Europe. I remember being in Mrs. Felder's second grade class and learning how to spell Europe. Conor always bragged about it because he'd been before or his parents went or something, and he had some fancy eraser that he got from Germany or somewhere. He was always so proud because he could spell Europe perfectly every time. "It's like e-u-rope" he would tell me when he saw I spelled it Eroupe.I had all the right letters, I just couldn't ever remember the order...Now, not only can I spell it, but I'm actually in Europe. In addition to the UK and Ireland, I will be going to France, Belgium, Germany, the Czech Republic, and Austria. How about them apples, Conor?

Just kidding :) I'm not petty and competitive like I used to be...

I'm extremely thankful for all the people I've met here. Friends to travel with, friends who open their homes to us, friends who write a whole itinerary for Paris with color coded instructions and neatly placed in a plastic sleeve so it doesn't get wrinkled. Just great people. Good people. Genuinely good people. Those are hard to come by, but Dundee seems to attract them. That definitely wasn't in the admissions book I received advertising Dundee, but it's an added bonus I was happy to discover.

Goodbye Scotland.
See you in three weeks.

One of the locals

On Wednesday March 14th at 6:25 pm, I got on a plane for Dublin, Ireland with 6 of my friends from all over the world (and by all over the world, I mean the States and Germany...). From the moment we landed in Dublin to the moment we left, we were constantly going and experiencing a culture none of us had experienced--no matter what part of the world we came from. 

The common misconception about St. Paddy's Day in Ireland is that everyone drinks Guinness for four days straight and just parties nonstop. However, I can attest that this is not true. First of all, Guinness is way too expensive to drink all day long (especially on a holiday such as St. Paddy's). Secondly, the celebration of St. Patrick is much more religious and family oriented than most people assume. 

St. Patrick was actually a British citizen from the fourth century who was captured by Irish raiders and forced to live as a Shepard for a while. He was often alone in the fields and (especially at night) became scared of the wild. So, he turned to God. Thus, blah, blah, blah, he brought Christianity to Ireland. It's also been discussed that before he came with his Christianity, Ireland didn't have a written language. So when he came, he helped modernize the Irish savages. Whether that's true or not, I don't know. But St. Patrick wasn't a big partier in his day and I can assure you, he never drank Guinness (Guinness didn't come around until the 18th century). I feel like the Irish try to embrace the true meaning of Paddy's life (which is actually pretty mysterious...no one really knows what he did in his life--but he did not banish all the snakes from Ireland--that has been proven false). 

Anyway, back in the '90s, Ireland formed the St. Patrick's Parade to embrace Irish culture and to display the talents and creativity of...everything. The parade was quite an experience. It was very creative, that's for sure. There were so many colors and costumes and the floats! they were fantastic. So intricate. The "theme" this year was science and discovery (or maybe that's the theme every year...I'm not sure), so there were a lot of mad scientists with their creations running around. Apparently, the parade is pretty well known for the monsters it creates. I'm pretty sure that some of the creatures would have given me nightmares if I had been a child (but that's not saying much...everything gave me nightmares as a kid). Therefore, I didn't take any pictures of the scary costumes. I just got the colorful, creative ones. Below are a many of the pictures I snapped during the parade.

                         This was the first thing to come down the street. We waited about 2 1/2 to 3 hours, so you can imagine our excitement when we first saw this.

                                         Bagpipes! I felt like I was at home again!

                         This guy was kind of scary...he was a sea creature or something, but this boat was so cool and detailed, I had to take a picture

                                                        He had fire in his hands....

In the end, it was a great four days. We were tourists for the greater part of the first two days, but then Friday and Saturday we stayed with one of my German friend's friend. Her house was so cute and she was super nice. She made us all dinner and made us sandwiches for the plane ride on Sunday morning. After the parade on Saturday, we went to a traditional Irish pub close to her house with three other Germans studying in Dublin. We watched the Wales vs. France and the Ireland vs. England rugby games. I've never seen rugby before, so it was definitely an experience to see it with a pub full of Irish locals. That was probably my favorite part of the whole trip. A little old man was the one serving us and he gave us all suckers during the Ireland game. He was extremely nice and just precious. In most places (especially local pubs like this one) we (those from the USA) kind of stand out for being American and I become extremely self-conscious (I usually pretend to be Canadian...), but at this pub, no one cared--as long as you didn't cheer for England. They were all there just to watch the game, like us. They didn't care what we were. It was great. I'm finally starting to feel like a local...somewhat. I just need to find a way to hide my wonderfully attractive accent...

Yankee Lover

It's still amazes me that I'm in Scotland. I think I forget it sometimes. I get lost in the fun, friends, and schoolwork. Life just goes so fast. It feels like yesterday that I was doing the tedious process of filling out all the applications and writing all the essays and whatnot that got me here. But now...I'm here!

Today as I was walking from the library to my room while worrying about the dollars dwindling in my bank account (I'm going to be living off of bread and peanut butter for the next 10 years), I had to stop myself and realize that I'm in Scotland. I was literally walking past 100 year old buildings. It's quite a calming feeling.

I've been dreaming of this since...forever. Ok, maybe not forever, but for a while. I can distinctly remember wanting it my freshman year of high school. I was in Ms. Puliatti's first period English class in a room full of people I didn't know. Everyday before class, I would sit awkwardly by myself in the last row of desks by the windows as everyone talked in their little groups. I felt so out of place while all my friends were at Grissom talking to everyone in their little groups. I don't think I'd ever felt like I didn't belong like I did in that first period English class. Freshman year was such an odd time. My friends at Grissom were moving on without me while I was awkwardly stuck at Huntsville trying to figure out what group I was a part of. It was such a limbo period. I'd be perfectly happy if I never have to experience that ever again.

One day Ms. Puliatti asked the class where we wanted to live (I don't remember why...maybe it was when we were learning about the archetypal hero or something like that). No one answered, so she decided to call on people. Naturally, she called on me. I didn't have an answer in my head, so I panicked.

"Somewhere out of the South," suddenly popped from my mouth. It's not that I don't like the South. I love the South. I love Huntsville. But I've lived that, I've experienced it. I wanted to experience something else. I didn't say any of that though.

After I gave my answer, the whole class kind of gasped and gave me this weird look. One boy called me a Yankee Lover and the whole class laughed until Ms. Puliatti calmed everyone down and tried to stick up for me.

Still, I stand by my answer. I want to live somewhere different. Whether that be with the Yankees in the North or in Broughty Ferry, Scotland (my new dream home), I just want to be cultured and have a broadened view of the world. Not that living in Huntsville forever would be a bad thing. Not at all. I love Huntsville. It's such a great city that's unique in itself. But for me personally, I want to experience...everything.

So even though the stresses of friends, decisions, and classes demand most of my attention, I can relax in the fact that I'm one step closer to obtaining my goal of being cultured. By experiencing more places, I can have a more educated and holistic answer if someone ever asks me where I want to live again. And if they call me a Yankee Lover? They can get over it.

Uh...Maybe later

Procrastination. I had no idea this disease could possibly get any worse than at Berry. But alas, it has surpassed my expectations. Having classes two days a week? Having 5 straight days of freedom? Being in a foreign country where every sight, smell, and taste is new? I mean, I have months until my essays are due, so why not just hop on a bus to Glasgow? Or spend a weekend in London?

School?

Nah, I'll do that later.

Well...later's almost here and...it's scaring me just a bit.

But I don't regret seeing everything I've seen and doing everything I've done. The classroom isn't the only place one can learn. My GPA and my resume might not reflect the experiences I've gained here, but myself as a person will. That's all that really matters, right? Or am I just justifying not starting my research essay until a few weeks before it's due when I've had all semester...

Life will go on. No one expects perfection. Unless...that is, unless you're a perfectionist.

But here are some of the things I've learned outside of the classroom:

1. Sushi on a conveyor belt just tastes better

2. Nose-bleed sections aren't that bad. That is, if you don't have a huge guy in front of you with his head blocking the whole stage (as soon as I took this picture, a guy came and sat directly in front of me. I couldn't see any part of the stage unless I leaned all the way to the left or right)

 3. Zach Braff could care less about Americans, but we got a picture with him anyway :) We actually got the VERY last picture with him.

4. Sleeper buses are definitely the way to go. We went to sleep in Glasgow and woke up in London!

 5. I love peppermint tea.

 6. The Muffin Man does not live on Drury Lane.

 7. To prevent a guy's head blocking your view of the stage, sit on the front row of the balcony. Best seats ever. And cheap too.

8. I love Rock 'n Roll. Who knew?

9. My new best friend is this joker named Ben. And he's quite Big.

10. Fish 'n chips are just better in London. End of story. These Londoners even make peas taste better.

11. Abbey Road is actually a road...with cars that are constantly driving by...

12. King's Cross looks nothing like the movies and there is no column between platforms 9 and 10. Huge disappointment. I died a little when I saw this. Major let down. But that's the brilliance of magic, I guess. If we could actually see it, it wouldn't be magic.

13. I want to live here.

So I might not be holed up in a library cubicle writing essays, but that doesn't mean I'm not learning!

In the words of Of Mice and Men, "This one's for you."

Where is home?

Huntsville? Rome? Jones Valley Dr.? FBC Huntsville? FBC Rome? Berry College? Morton/Lemely? Dana? Scotland? Dundee? Heathfield?

As we started our freshmen year at Berry College, my roommate--Marley--got a little plaque from her mom that says, "Home is where your mom is." That may be a true statement, but I don't want to think about being away from home for 5 months. That would be such a lonely experience.

I have come to the conclusion that home is where I feel accepted. Somewhere that I am never lonely--which is different than being alone. I can be perfectly happy alone and not be lonely. Home should never be lonely. However, I reserve the right to change this definition when appropriate as my experiences broaden and as I grow as a person.

I can safely say that as I've embarked on this journey, I have felt at home. From the moment I got to Scotland, I've been accepted. I have a great group of friends here that I can just be "me" around. I was at Berry for 2 years before I found my little niche of friends from a variety of corners around campus, whereas here it only took me a week. But it's not just my friends here that make me feel at home, it's everyone in the States too (I am now referring to the USA as the States because as a girl from Chile pointed out to me, America could mean South America too--I shouldn't just assume North America is the only America...). From skype to e-mails to messages to letters (my personal favorite--thank you Sydney and Katherine!!!!) and especially facebook, I've never felt more at home in my life. I had no idea I had so many friends and people that cared!

Ok, so this was a really emotional post. I apologize. I just want to show my gratitude for everyone. Nothing goes unnoticed, so thank you.

My Balto Experience

When I was a kid, I was very much into animals. Anybody who knew me as a child can vouch for me. I was...a little obsessed. I just knew that I was going to marry Simba when I grew up, Todd the hound dog was my best friend, and oh yeah, I had over 101 dalmatian toys. In addition to The Lion King, The Fox and the Hound, and 101 Dalmatians, one of my most favorite movies as a child was Balto. I probably liked it so much because it is about dogs (I was obsessed with dogs in particular), but also because the story is so solid and heartwarming. Call me a romantic, but there's nothing sweeter than one risking their lives to save another (even if it's another species). And it never hurts to have that little tagline of "based off a true story." The fact that there was actually a dog out there named Balto that saved people? My innocent mind thrived off that junk.


                                (Of course I had to get a picture of him when I went to New York a few years ago)

One of my favorite parts in that movie is the whole bit about the Aurora Borealis. I always loved the part when Jenna used the glass bottles to imitate the lights. So clever and intuitive.

Well, this week in Scotland, I had the opportunity to see these Northern Lights. I got a facebook message on Tuesday from Daddy telling me to look out for them. Dundee might be the sunniest city in Scotland, but nothing's perfect. Tuesday was a disgusting day. It was cold, rainy, and super cloudy. You couldn't see a thing in the sky beyond the clouds. I was so disappointed. I was reminded of the time that there was supposed to be this huge meteor shower flying over Huntsville. This was when my room was "David's Room" where my bed was right next to the window. I stayed up most the night sitting in bed with my head pressed to the glass waiting to see the meteors fly by. But the night was too cloudy and I never saw anything but the thick winter clouds slowly roll by. The same disappointment accompanied me this past Tuesday.

But then! Then, on Thursday, one of my Canadian friends here at Dundee said that we might be able to see the Northern Lights that night! She proposed we hike up to Dundee Law (the super big hill in the center of Dundee) so we could see the lights more clearly. So at 11:30 (23:30 as they'd say here) a group of us walked up to Dundee Law in the freezing cold and in pitch black darkness. The ground was icy so we all were walking extra carefully. I'm sure we looked ridiculous creeping up the stairs and hills looking like babies first learning to walk. Eventually we made it. I thought being up there at sunset was beautiful, but being there at night! Astounding. Positively stunning. The city just surrounds you with millions of little lights. There's no way a camera would ever be able to capture the sheer beauty of it. You have to do a full 360 to get the whole experience. It's like driving over the mountain at night from Hampton Cove but higher, bigger, and it's on all sides.

The sky was another beauty in itself. It was as clear tonight as it was cloudy on Tuesday. You could see every star in the sky (and there sure are a bunch of stars!). Unfortunately, we never saw the Aurora. But I wouldn't call it a worthless trip. We got good exercise and we were able to experience unexpected beauty by just looking over Dundee.

We stayed up there for about 30 minutes and then took the hike back down. One of my German friends brought a flashlight with him, so I stayed close to his side. Otherwise, there would have been no way that I could have made it down those uneven icy steps and that slick holey hill without busting it.

                                                                (This is a picture of us slowly creeping back down the super slippery hill)

So I never got to have my Balto experience, but I haven't given up hope yet! One day, one day I'll see those lights and my inner child will grin from ear to ear.