It's complicated

Everyone keeps asking me these 3 questions:

What has been your favorite part?
What will you miss the most?
Are you ready to go home?

My answers are different almost every time. My favorite part? There's far too many. What will I miss? Far too much. Ready to be home? It's complicated.

When I first went to Berry as a wee little fresher, I had a chance to start over. To be someone new. I found myself. At least, I found a part of myself. Berry was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. I needed the sheltered, somewhat closed community. And that's what I was, that's what I got. I didn't know it then (just as I didn't know how absolutely horrible high school was until I reached college and saw that life could actually be enjoyable), but looking back on it now, I can see how I never really lived. I didn't branch out as much as I could have.  I just stayed in my own little world and studied, studied, studied. I think I became better acquainted with my books than with any human being.

Then I came to Scotland. And without knowing what was happening, I realized that I was actually living. Life became more than just school, more than getting a good grade or pleasing a teacher. Life became...mine. I made friends, I went places (soooo many places), and I just...lived. Luckily, I'm still a perfectionist and still worked my butt off to get good grades, but my life in Scotland wasn't about getting an A. It was much more well rounded. Much more holistic.

Now in Florence, in a completely different atmosphere both culturally and academically, I have yet again discovered living. This time, I actually did learn it through my school work and not from extracurricular activities. For the past three weeks I've been learning as much as I possibly could about the Florentine Jewish community. And I loved every second of it. Jonathan and I got into a bit of an argument one road trip to see David a few summers ago (or maybe it was last summer, I don't remember). I think it was about immigration or something like that, I don't remember that part either. What I do remember is sitting in that little booth at the gas station halfway between Alabama and Arkansas with Jonathan's final sentence being: "You're always rooting for the underdog." I didn't realize it until he said that, but I do have a soft spot for "the underdogs." And that is exactly what Jews in Florence are. They are the silent minority. They don't have a voice. There are all these presumptions that do account for a few people, but definitely not the whole community. Anyway, I'm getting too deep. If you want to learn more about the Jews in Florence, I'd be happy to talk with you about it (I could talk for days about this subject) or you can just see our stories once they're posted on Viking Fusion. The point is, I was in my element this whole trip. I'm so excited that I got to be the voice for the underdogs of Florence. I just hope I don't ruin it with my stories....I guess we'll find out.

So to answer number three, am I ready to go home? Yes. Of course. But...No. Not completely. Just like when I first started school, I loved being in Rome and at Berry, but I missed home too. So, I would go home. Then when I was home, I would miss Berry. It was a never ending cycle. I could never be happy. So yes, as I've said before, I do miss the States. I miss the familiarity of my neighborhood, my house, my room. I miss my family, my friends, and my puppy dog. I miss Chick-fil-A and Little Rosie's. I miss a lot about life in America. Yet, I guarantee you that once I get back to the States, I'm going to miss Europe. I already miss Scotland like no other. I miss Tesco, Heathfield, the Union, Premier, just everything. And I'm sure I'm going to miss Florence. I'll miss Gabriel our gelato guy, I'll miss seeing the sunset from Piazza Michelangelo, I'll miss listening to Harry Potter while knitting in the Boboli Gardens, I'll miss hanging out in front of the synagogue gazing at the super hot Italian guards standing in front of the entrance. I'll miss a lot.

It's just a never ending cycle. It's complicated.